I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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