Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
