He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The uberlube is also flammable
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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