i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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