i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
