The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
