alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
