can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
