I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
