there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
