He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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