and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
