Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
