Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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