just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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