then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize