omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize