after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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