the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize