I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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