He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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