quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
