Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
