Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize