why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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