69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
