fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
