I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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