Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
