Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
