She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
