hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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