I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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