I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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