Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
