Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
