I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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