she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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