things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
