He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
