At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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