I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
