im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
