Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
