Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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