I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
