Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize