I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
MIDGETS
????
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
