I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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