I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize