It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
