He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
