he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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