In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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