East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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