I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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