So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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