I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
