Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
farters have to be the big spoon...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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