I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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