dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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