Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
