i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
