She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
