Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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