Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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