And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
