is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
