he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
