i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
