like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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