Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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