it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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