dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
