so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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