...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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