I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
