Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
