yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You are a genius and a whore.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
