as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
