I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
