the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
