have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
