i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
