Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
